earbuds

Posted on May 16, 2021

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i remember when

untangling the earbuds felt like

opening the door to a wonderful world.

.

music so close

enveloping my brain mind

inspiring me to feel

and think of how it’s done

.

quality so high

it sounded raw and wrong

every intentional imperfection the piece of a masterpiece

.

not only did

the music come and come and come

drowning in itself, and taking me with it

.

i also became

more and more informed

about the details of its creation

.

what i once believed

was a feeling mass of intuitive notions

became a challenge

a technical feat of untold proportions

.

my heroes became rivals

and what i would create

could not come close to their perfections

.

i resisted it

the earbuds became a tool

i used to test my failures against polished grails

of musical talent and production

.

i fell off

my previous listening habits

built away from them through contrasting basslines

and flat melodies

and my years

of untrained consumer ears

finally understanding

how good my heroes were.

.

and i nearly cancelled my spotify account.

.

.

.

but i didn’t.

.

the old drive still eludes me

i don’t know if i’ll ever listen like i used to

with wonder at the sounds and tones

.

but now,

as i untangle my earbuds

to avoid the feeling of an uncomfortable conversation,

.

i hear the sound

of my earbuds knocking together

and it brings me back

.

their sound reminds me

of the way i used to appreciate

a sound created by another

.

and i wish i could do it again