earbuds
Posted on May 16, 2021
i remember when
untangling the earbuds felt like
opening the door to a wonderful world.
.
music so close
enveloping my brain mind
inspiring me to feel
and think of how it’s done
.
quality so high
it sounded raw and wrong
every intentional imperfection the piece of a masterpiece
.
not only did
the music come and come and come
drowning in itself, and taking me with it
.
i also became
more and more informed
about the details of its creation
.
what i once believed
was a feeling mass of intuitive notions
became a challenge
a technical feat of untold proportions
.
my heroes became rivals
and what i would create
could not come close to their perfections
.
i resisted it
the earbuds became a tool
i used to test my failures against polished grails
of musical talent and production
.
i fell off
my previous listening habits
built away from them through contrasting basslines
and flat melodies
and my years
of untrained consumer ears
finally understanding
how good my heroes were.
.
and i nearly cancelled my spotify account.
.
.
.
but i didn’t.
.
the old drive still eludes me
i don’t know if i’ll ever listen like i used to
with wonder at the sounds and tones
.
but now,
as i untangle my earbuds
to avoid the feeling of an uncomfortable conversation,
.
i hear the sound
of my earbuds knocking together
and it brings me back
.
their sound reminds me
of the way i used to appreciate
a sound created by another
.
and i wish i could do it again
follow up: I did cancel my spotify subscription for the summer of 2022, but more because I don’t like paywalls than personal insecurity.